We're like a lot better than the average bears
Do you still have your period?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I need to align my fucking chakras
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
