he wants to bone in the snuggie
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
