You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize