my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
