this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
