the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
