This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
