im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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