Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
