Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
