So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
