You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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