ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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