Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
