HIV tests are more positive than that guy
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
