I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
