I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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