So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
