2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
