you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
