can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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