my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
