hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
