i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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