he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
