when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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