So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My life is pants optional.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
