he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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