I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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