Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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