just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize