Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
