im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
