Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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