I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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