Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
