The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize