we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My bed smells like the plague
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
