I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
