Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
my liver is dry heaving
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
