the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize