I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
