She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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