If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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