i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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