I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
