Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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