Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
