I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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