I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
