i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
