Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
