I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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