I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize