He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
