they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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