i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
