you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
