hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
