quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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