I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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