....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
