i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
