Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
God, I missed his penis.
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