guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
