so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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