you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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