It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
