Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
