Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize