He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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