When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
