I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
