im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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