you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
