Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
