Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
