And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
