I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
