Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize