Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
