you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
