That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
