A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
