um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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