I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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