I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
