neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
