Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
