She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
