Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
