My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
