We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
