New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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