why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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