I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
