i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
