I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
