i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
