Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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