One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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