Will you blow on my dice?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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