I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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