FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
