Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
