i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
