sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
there is glitter all over my balls
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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